On any Saturday aaaaaa


  
  
 

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect backwoods camping and fishing trip.
 
Two days before the group is to leave Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. 
 
Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do? 
 
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and fish cooking on the fire.
 
"Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?" 
 
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"  I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see-through nightie.
 

"She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over.  She had put handcuffs and ropes on the bed!  She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did.  And then she said 'do what ever you want.' 
 
"Here I am."


 

 

First aid"

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, and a woman rushed to help him.

As she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right, Honey, I've had a course in first aid."

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration.

At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."

 

 

 

 


 

 

Does it sound familiar.If not it will soon.

TO ALL GOOD OLD FRIENDS ONLY   

              Elderly Gentlemen   


An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor  and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that  allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you  can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet..
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old  now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How  do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'


An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,  the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a  new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'


Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being
discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it  down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries. '
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!
Ice  cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles in to the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,  The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says,  'Where's my toast ?'


A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well! 'Does she have lots of money?'  'Nope!'
Poor as a church mouse'..> >  'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'



Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'



A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid.. It cost  me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
' Twelve thirty.'


Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really  doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be  careful.'



A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he  ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, "Arthritis.'


Now, before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a laugh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 
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